Next Stop, Insanity

Another Profound Moment

2011-02-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I ponder the ultimate question: What is our purpose as humans? Or more specifically, what is my purpose here on this earth, in this life?

To get even more specific, I’ve been pondering a lot what is my purpose now and what has been my purpose of the places I am for the last 8 years. What has been the point and what have I learned?

All I can say is the last 8 years have been full of problems, heart ache, challenges, and personal struggle. Not a single one of these 8 years has been a happy year. I can’t look back on a single one and say, wow, now (insert some year 2000 in here) was a good/great year.

I’m really struggling with 2010/2011. It’s not the things that arise in life that are the problems, my biggest problem is the struggle within. It’s been a REALLY bad year. I’ve spent the last year struggling with my self worth, ego, and temper. I’m dealing with a lot of outside influences that have left very deep and emotional bruises on my ego and self worth which makes my temper flair very easily. I’m struggling every day to remind myself to stay calm and to try to let things bounce off instead of sting. Unfortunately, most days I loose the battle and let it eat me up inside.

Every day I remind myself that this too shall pass and that for every little hurt, injustice, sting, there is a life lesson to learn, a bigger picture to fulfill, and eventually one day it will make sense and have been worth the fight.

In all the personal struggles, there are the rays of light that do make a day worth it all. I have 3 such little lights that I have accumulated through these last 8 years, all 3 have come into my life within the last year. In thinking about it, this last year has been the hardest of the 8 and every single light has appeared when I’ve been most in need.

The 3 little lights are my work friends, actually more like my work sisters. Once lives in California, one in New Jersey, and the last in my home state. We’ve never met, and none are friends of the others (well, I did introduce CA & NJ to each other over email, but I’m not sure if that friendship ever progressed). Every day I think of these 3 little lights and I talk to each at least once a week. They are each like the North Star to me. When I feel lost, they ground me. When I’m upset, they comfort me. When I just need to vent, they have all the time in the world and ears as big as an elephant.

CA, she is my sister from another mister. I swear our personalities were separated at birth. CA, she can make me laugh and smile every time even though all I want to do is cry. NJ, is my inspiration. She is the most positive, upbeat, and inspirational person I’ve ever met. On days when I think I can’t make it through, she is there to inspire me to continue. Home State is a sweet as pumpkin pie. She’s like the sunshine, she’s so cheery. Just talking to her is like bringing out the sun in my day. These 3 girls know how to round out my day when things are tough.

Now, don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m not forgetting about my husband. My husband is my best friend in the world. But there are some things you just can not talk to your husband about. For that matter, there are just some things you can’t talk to a guy about. Face it girls, there are just some things that boys don’t get and it’s useless trying to share with them.

I feel truly blessed to have found these 3 girls. I also realize what a part of this struggle has been for. It was to bring me to the place and time where I was supposed to meet each of these individuals. Friendships that I will cherish and not let go of over the years.

Each path in our life is a new journey. It’s a new lesson to learn, a new challenge to overcome. Life is a lesson, a path we have chosen to follow, to learn from, to experience. Sometimes it’s days like these where I wonder why I have chosen such a difficult path and where it’s going to lead. Will it eventually lead to happiness? I can only hope. I also promise myself that if this path truly does lead to eventual happiness, I will not ever forget all the struggles I’ve gone through to be able to truly appreciate the happiness.

And maybe that’s my life lesson, to know, understand, and appreciate happiness. I had a very difficult childhood. Probably a mundane experience to most people, but I suffered through 9 years of school being bullied and then another 4 years afterwards being compared to my sister (yes, as a younger sister, it really stings when your teachers compare you’re talents, your intelligence, your skills to your sisters when you’ve always known you and she are different and will never posses the same set of talents/skills/intelligence and would wish everyone could get that through their heads). After leaving High School, College was the happiest 4 years of my life (thus far). I crave and envy the time I spent there and want it all over again. But did I every truly appreciate my happiness? I can’t honestly say I ever did.

So here I am, hoping, wishing, praying, craving another, different and better step in my life. I feel I’ve paid this unknown debt and learned many very valuable lessons in the process. And maybe that’s the other problem. Instead of accepting and learning from life, I spend too much time wishing for a better future. Unfortunately, these aren’t questions I can readily answer. Only time will teach me what I need to learn. What I do know is I will never forget the value of the good things in my life.

A Success at Failure

2011-01-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

I’ve been wanting to blog since yesterday morning. By the time I had a moment to get around to it, I was entirely too pissed off to write anything. And I really have something profound to me to write about. But I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get it across without the outside influence of my current mood. I just need a reminder that someday, this too shall pass and it will make me stronger for learning to bear it.

The Self Saboteur Recognized.

I had a good conversation with my MIL and my SIL on Friday. We all seem to have our life problems and sometimes it’s really nice to just air those problems. Funnily enough, we all seem to share some similar life obstacles.

My SIL mentioned a phrase the struck a chord with me. She talked about how she has been self sabotaging things in her life. It finally donned on me, that I do the exact same thing.

I admit it, I am a self sabatager. (hey, I just made up a new word!!). I set myself up so that I know I’m going to fail or set myself up to not even try so I can’t fail.

Easiest and most trivial example is I’m a nail biter. I’ve been for 30 years (slight exaggeration but I couldn’t tell you how young I was when I started biting my nails). I constantly tell myself why try to stop, I’m going to eventually go back to biting my nails so there is no point in trying to stop. See, the self sabotage began early. Why do I think I can’t stop biting my nails? Because if I do have a moment of weakness I think well of course it was going to happen. I constantly believe that relapsing is okay because it was inevitable. In reality I don’t want to accept the fact that I had a moment of weakness and that a life long habit can be hard to break. It’s going to take time and patience to kick the habit.

Yup, I know, a trivial life example, but it fits so many other things I’ve done in life.

Since I’m not into airing all my dirty laundry on the internet, I will elect not to share any more examples.

But I am learning to see the signs of lapsing into that self sabotage. I deal with it every day.

The latest sabotage potential is running. I could easily see myself just slowly quitting it. Why? Because it’s damn bloody hard at the moment. Giving up would be much easier…

I refuse to give up this time. Refuse. I can not let myself give up. I need this. I need something to cling to, to finally prove to myself that I can succeed at what I put my mind to. Of course running is hard right now. I haven’t run in 13 years. 13 YEARS!! I have to learn to give myself time to develop the correct muscles and stamina again to be able to run. So my plan is to stick to a routine and it may be the only solution to continuing to achieve my goal. And I’m going to have to struggle at it every day. My ultimate goal is to feel good in the body I have (even if I never meet my ultimate weight goal). To like what I look like in the mirror. To know I’ve done something good for myself both physically and mentally.

What I need to learn and to remember is that I’m not always going to succeed at everything I try. There are things I’m going to attempt to do and no matter what I will not succeed. What I need to know is that I’m going to learn very valuable lessons from these journeys that will ultimately change me into a better person.

** I managed to blog without being angry. I guess it can be good to have something else to focus on! A small life lesson learned. **

Some Thoughts on Literature

2010-12-08T14:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve have once again taken up the hobby of reading. It was something that I’ve always enjoyed (relatively speaking, since when I was young and didn’t quite know how to work through my learning disability, I HATED reading). I notice that every now and then my attention wanes and I forget to read something new, so I get bored. Lately I’ve had LOTS of something new to read courtesy of my sister from another mister in CA. She is a voracious reader and has turned me onto a few new book series/authors. I won’t claim I read many intellectual pieces, and I have been know to read quite a few trashy romance novels, but I tend to read what interest me regardless of the genre.

The BBC top 100 novels you should read list has been going around on the social networks and it has come to my attention that I should like to read most if not all of those books on that list. So I took to compiling the last few years of BBC book lists into an all encompassing reading list for myself, and it’s time I started to work my way through those book. Yup, I’m about to start embracing some of the classics! The thing is about the classics, I actually really enjoy reading them. (okay, I have a small confession to make, I don’t actually read, read all of the books, I tend to listen to a lot of audio books while at work (during the mundane, tedious, mind numbing paperwork that ensues every day). But listening to someone else read you a book counts to me and offers quite a bit of education and entertainment). The only problem I see with audio books is that some of the narrators are such a snooze to listen too (and no, authors do NOT make good narrators, in fact, I think they make some of the WORST narrators). When the snooze fest happens, I take to actually reading the book.

I don’t want to say my taste in literature is simple, but sometimes it is. I read a book and either enjoy it, or don’t. I either am entertained enough to read through a book, or am not entertained enough and quit reading (I’ll generally give a book about 100 pages before I give it up as a lost cause). I do rarely find a book so tedious that I can’t finish it but on occasion it does happen. I don’t read into a book (if you understand my meaning). I don’t read a book and tear it apart. I don’t analyze and scrutinize every little detail of a character and decipher what they are doing and why they are doing it. I don’t debate the stupid details. This is probably why I wouldn’t do well in a book group. If I was, it would go something like this.

Book Group: Did you like the book?
Me: Yes, very much so.
Book Group: So why did you like it?
Me: Because it was good. (nuff said).

Yup, it looks like I’m a simple person.

So here is what I’ve learned in the last couple of years re-discovering my new/old hobby:

1) I enjoy reading the classics, although some books intimidate me, like Gone With The Wind. Understanding that some classics do intimidate me, I still fully intend on reading them.

2) Switching between the written modern English language and the written 1800’s English language can sometimes be an exercise in the bizarre.

3) I enjoy trashy romance novels, especially of the paranormal variety. Vampires, Fairies, Witches, Ware-animals etc, will always hold a soft spot in my heart. I like the mythical and the magical.

4) Young adult books are great reads if read in the correct context, ie: you realize you’re reading a book specifically written for young adults.

5) Exploring other books and series from one of your favorite authors can lead you to a whole different reading genre you never thought you’d enjoy.

6) Historical fiction: A history hater’s best friend. I hate history. It’s dull and boring. Give me a historical fiction book and I’ll learn to love history. (Which makes no sense as to why Gone With The Wind intimidates me. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had any love for the Civil war era. But someday soon I will explore that intimidation and hopefully get over it!)

Thanksgiving Flashback (not to be confused with Flash Dance)

2009-10-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

While driving in the car last week heading home from the grocery store after seeing the first signs of frozen turkeys, I had a great Thanksgiving Day flash back from the yesteryear. When my sister and I were kids we used to spend every Thanksgiving with our Dad’s side of the family while spending Christmas Eve with my mom’s side of the family. For Thanksgiving we’d do a city swap. One year it would be in Portland to celebrate with our Great Uncle and his family the next year they’d come up and we’d celebrate Thanksgiving at our Grandparents house.

This tradition went on for years. I got to experience giblet gravy every other year (something I hope never to repeat ever again… blech), LONG car rides, and lots and lots of over eating. As a kid, this was probably the most boring event in childhood experiences ever. We did get to see our cousins, but there were only 4 of us. Being the youngest pretty much guaranteed me to be ignored for most of the day and made the day extra boring. Not to mention having to sit at the “kids” table all the time. And by “kids” table I mean the little table off to the side. It was a lottery drawing every year to see who had to sit at the “kids” table. Guess who got picked almost every year without any other kids there? (Is my bitterness showing yet?)

Where is this story leading, you might ask? I’m just about to get to the point. About 20 years ago (give or take a few years, my childhood memory is a bit fuzzy from time to time) the last family Thanksgiving came to a screeching halt. (Insert huge smile here. I know what the punch line is and it makes me smile every time). The last Thanksgiving get together was held at my grandparents place. Their old house wasn’t very big so for sure we had to separate tables. One in the dining room, the other table in the living room. The 2 rooms were separated by walls and the kitchen. This time the kids table was an actual kids table! We got to sit out in the living room. I think it was a cleaver ploy of my Grandparents doing. Then they didn’t have to listen to us all complain if we didn’t like the food this year…

As we sat down to eat, a very interesting thing happened. One by one, our plates started arriving in front of our noses. One by one, we all got a very confused look on our faces. My grandfather apparently had begun to hold a grudge against the thanksgiving traveling tradition. This year was his retaliation against the family and tradition. On our plates that year there was no turkey and no gravy.

NO TURKEY!!!

What did we get that year for Dinner? Stuffed pork chops.

Thus ended the Portland/Seattle Thanksgiving tradition!

I always knew Grandpa was a crafty man. It’s taken me 20 years to really appreciate how crafty he was!

Family Events shudder

2009-03-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

So this weekend there will be a large family event going on at my parents place. We are celebrating everyone and their dog's birthday this weekend. What can I say, we're a family full of Aries. (that in of itself should make you all shudder and run screaming from our family events!!). We'll, we can only blame it on our parents for it!

Anyhoo, back to my story. So, there will be a rather large event going on this weekend. We're celebrating 6, maybe 7 birthday's (not sure if the littlest girl sprout/niece's birthday will be celebrated at this event or not, but that's beyond the point). I love my family. I love family gatherings. You get a chance to see family you don't see on a regular basis. I finally get to meet my newest nephew!!! Family gatherings can be lots of fun...

Can be... I'm a titch bit worried about this family gathering. Why?!? Because I'm introducing my future parents-in-law to some of the close and extended family. They've never met anyone other than my parents. I'm not worried about the in-law's. They can more than hold their own. What I am worried about is all the different personalities we bring to this pot luck of people. Welcome to my world, a world of very strong personalities. That's what you get for having a family full of Aries (and a lawyer) ;o) We are very opinionated, loud, and possibly obnoxious.

Yikes!!!

Gag and Barf Day

2009-02-04T09:40:00.000-08:00

Well folks, it's about that time of year again. Gag and Barf day is swiftly approaching. For all you non-mind readers, that would be Valentine's Day. Blech...

I'm not a bitter person. I've had a "Valentine" for the last 6 years, and will for the rest of my life. But I still DESPISE Valentine's Day. Why?!? Because it's a STUPID holiday. Why... why, on only one day a year am I supposed to celebrate love, filled with crappy chocolates, stupid cards, and wilted flowers? Pointless!!! Absolutely pointless.

Everyday should be about love, not just 1 day a year. And WHY is the holiday about love with a significant other?!? I love my family. I love my friends. Why isn't the holiday about them too?

Thank you commercialism for making me loath Valentine's Day. I think for the holiday this year, I'll stay home once again and make dinner for my boys, like I do most days.

The Engagement

2009-01-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

As requested by Not the Queen (aka my sister) she asked me to blog about my engagement. I suppose it’s a natural progression from how we met, to the engagement, to well, the wedding (eventually).

So as promised, here’s the story of the engagement.

I first need to preface this story with everyone and their dog knew Corey was going to propose to me in Disneyworld, except myself and my sister (thank you mom and dad for letting me get to tell her!). I mean everyone, my parents, Corey’s parents, his sister & brother, his step siblings and their spouses, the girls he works with, even our travel agent. I’m still miffed that our travel agent knew… But such is life.

Anyway, back to the story.

About a year and a half ago, Corey and I began planning our latest trip to Disneyworld. We started planning shortly after our first trip since we had an amazing time! This trip, we decided to invite people along thinking it would increase the fun (yes and no). So after all the planning and cajoling, we managed to get my parents and Corey’s parents, sister and brother, to agree to go with us. All the rest of our invitees backed out of the vacation for a variety of reasons.

We planned, schemed, worried, fretted, reserved, argued, revised, and finally made it there all in one piece! Few… So we played in the park the day we arrived having as much fun as you can with pouring Florida rain, dashing from store to store, ride to ride, hoping you don’t drown on the way. And no I’m not talking about the daily summer showers where after 10 minutes of rain it’s dry and warm again, I’m talking about the daily summer showers where it just continues to pour non-stop. Welcome to Disneyworld…

We made the best of what we had. That evening, Corey and I had dinner reservations at Ohana at the Polynesian resort (the resort we had stayed at the first time we went to Disneyworld). The food was tasty. It was almost like a buffet. They start you out with salad, then deliver bowls of sweet “buffalo” wings, pot stickers, veggies of some variety, and noodles. The wait staff then brings around with, what I can only describe as, meat shish kabobs and portions you off some of the pork, beef, chicken and shrimp. It’s all you can eat and the food was terrific. They even brought each table a set of dipping sauces that were scrumptious. After dinner, they served a bread pudding with “burnt” banana caramel sauce. Ohhhhhhhh, so heavenly. I stuffed myself silly, but the food was mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmmm, good.

We finished up dinner with time to spare. Every night the magic kingdom has a fire works show. You can see the show from the 3 lagoon hotels (the Contemporary, the Polynesian, and the Grand Floridian). The beaches in front of the Hotel are the perfect place for viewing the fireworks. They even pump the music through the outdoor speakers in time to the fireworks so you can get the whole effect. So we wondered around the property. I thought it would have been a good idea to view the fireworks from our hotel (the Grand Floridian) thinking we could take my parents, but Corey convinced me that we should stay at the Polynesian with a little trouble (hey, I had no idea what was going on). We started out at the dock, and then decided to wander to the beach since the dock was crowded and it had stopped raining for a few moments. We wandered through the beach area, but there were no seats available, so Corey “suggested” we wonder further along the property. We hadn’t done a whole lot of wandering of the property last time we were there since there were obviously more important things to do like go on all the rides. So we wandered past the beach to a place they have called Sunset Point. Sunset point is this little point on the beach where there’s a circular cut of land that kind of juts out into the water, ringed by palm trees. So we wandered our way out there just in time for the fireworks to start. There’s this great view where the castle is framed by 2 palm trees and you get a fantastic view of all the fireworks.

So we were standing there, watching the fireworks (mind you, we had the point to ourselves) and Corey starts poking me in the back (not unusual) halfway through the show. I turned around to poke him back and he disappeared. As I turned around to find him, there he was, down on one knee, fireworks all around, holding out the ring box (thankfully not upside down. He was a little worried about that) and then he asked me. It was so sweet and uber romantic. Obviously I said yes.

How I met Corey.

2009-01-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

I feel as thought all I do is pour out my sob stories and complain about my life (OMG, I’m starting to sound like my Grandmother, eek!!!). So in effort to put something cheerful down, I thought I’d start today. Granted I’m in a foul-ass-mood today thanks to my wonderful boss and job… So, here’s an attempt at making my day feel a little less crappy and a little more cheerful!

How I met Corey, my fiance (tee hee hee, It's still weird calling him my fiance).

This is a cute story, I think. Most people think it is too. Corey and I met in college. We had a class or 2 together before we really met, so we kind of knew each other through association but neither of us really talked to each other. December 2001, there was a school field trip for credit going to Hawaii (yes, the actual Big Island of Hawaii). We had both signed up to go, along with some other people, some from our major, some not. I didn’t really know anyone on this trip. I had just really started into my major and knew only 1 or 2 people. I figured it’s Hawaii, I’m going to have a great time regardless of who I know.

Well yes indeed, I had a wonderful time. It was my first and only trip (so far) to Hawaii. We traveled to the Big Island to play, hike, swim, and make lava spoons (those were a complete failure. I never would have imagined that lava doesn’t like to stick to your mother’s metal spoons. Who would have guessed?) Partway through the trip, the teachers had planned a few days of pure fun. Where we could go play on the beach, go swimming, sun bathe and all around screw off. The rest of our trip was full of hikes and extremely interesting geological sites, like old lava tubes, the green sand beach, fire hoses, surface lava flows. You name it, we probably saw it. So mid-way through the trip, the teachers took us to Kona and Hapuna Beach for 2 days. We body surfed in Hapuna Beach, and shopped and snorkeled in Kona. It was fantastic.

In Hapuna Beach, we stayed at the Hapuna Beach State park A-Frames (http://www.cabinweb.com/menu/hawaii/hawaiipics/hihapuna1.htm). They were a little special looking, but did the job. There was enough room for about 4 people to share an A-Frame, more if someone wanted to sleep on the floor. So (besides the addition 2 sleepers, we unfortunately inherited) Kim (our mutual friend), Corey, and I shared a cabin. The first night we were there, our entire group went out for margarita’s and Mexican food and then we spent most of the evening wondering the beach by moonlight. It was gorgeous. The 2nd day, we spent body surfing and relaxing. That evening was the evening Corey and I really met. Kim and I had purchased a bottle of rum in the exchange at the Kilauea Military Camp (where we had been staying for the majority of our trip) before we’d left for Hapuna Beach. That 2nd night, Kim, Corey and I mixed some Rum and Cokes to enjoy. We mixed Corey some rum and rum, with a hint of coke. He’s the one who asked for it!!! Needless to say, Kim and I got Corey a little tipsy. When Corey get’s tipsy, he gets chatty. That was the night we both really got to know him.

After Hawaii, began the Thursday night bar nights (with a small portion of our Hawaii group), where we’d go out and bar hop (yes we always had a dd), play some pool, and end up back at Corey’s place to watch moves. And well, the rest is sort of history.

We had our first date on April 14th, 2002. Corey made me chicken parmesan and potatoes au gratin. I got the stomach flu for the rest of the week afterwards (it was just bad timing) but he did bring me orange tulips when I was sick. Automatic keeper!!!

And that’s the story of how Corey and I met!

Surgery

2008-11-11T10:09:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's right. Surgery. Fuzzy boy Felix will be going under the knife this afternoon. I'm so worried.

Last night after leaving Felix at the vet, the put him under anesthesia, emptied his bladder, put in a catheter, and put him on IV fluids. He woke up from anesthesia and peed twice after 6pm last night and we left him about 5:30pm last night. Way to go my little pants boy! He's feeling okay, snuggling up to the hot water bottles in his compartment, and he's getting food today. I hope he eats it, if not, I'm sneaking him some chicken or tuna. He's a sucker for both. He's such a sucker, that yesterday when he was feeling so crappy, I still got him to eat some tuna! He's my little garbage pale!

Last night when they emptied his bladder, there were no signs of urine crystals. Bad news for us, worse news for Felix. We don't know yet what kind of crystals he has. So we have no way to determine the course of treatment. One treatment could make him worse, the other could help. We have no way of knowing. So this morning the vet took x-rays and there's one large crystal stuck in his urinary tract, and one in his kidney. Safest strategy, is to have the vet remove the crystal in his tract through surgery, the one in his kidney will remain. So my little spitty kitten will have surgery =( He's going to get the shaved tummy. We're going to go visit him today, provided the evening shift will let us in. Grandma Carol, is going to go visit her grand-kitty Felix during the morning shift. He'll need comfort from someone he recognizes! If the vet will let me, I'm bringing him a blankie from home so he has something that smells like us and his brother.

My Unique Children

2008-11-10T19:32:00.000-08:00

Some people have biological children, some adopt, we have fluffy feline children. I dote on them like any other parent. Our boys are our life.

Today is a bad day. Felix, our youngest, is sick. Sick like I could never have imagined my child could be. Sure, he has hairballs, and a few that passed the less direct rout that was cause for some real concern, but never has he been this kind of sick. Just taking one look at his face this morning, you knew something was absolutely terribly wrong.

We took Felix to the kitty doctor tonight, after the episodes of frequent visits to the potty with no success, some vomiting, and being more antisocial than usual, and frequent bouts of cries. Felix is a talker, but he's not a crier. When we'd pick him up, he'd cry. It broke my heart to hear him.

I came home from work early today because Corey and I were so worried about him. He wasn't eating or drinking. Spending the day hiding. Felix had only gotten worse as the day progressed. So I called the vet and we took him in. Poor little man. Any sort of change traumatizes him (I'm surprised the vacuum doesn't give him a coronary). So he cried his on my way to the vet cry, tried to bury himself in the towels in the carrier, and all around felt miserable.

Our little guy has urine crystals. He couldn't pee, not even a drop. So after a trembling chin, we left him at the vet, one of the most heart breaking things I've ever had to do. They put Felix to sleep, emptied his bladder, catheterized him, put him one fluids, and now my poor sweet thing has to wear a cone. The little boy who can't stand to wear a collar, what is he going to do with a cone? So he's feeling better, but isn't better, yet.

His urine was free of crystals which means he's still blocked up, which means after the x-ray the vet will take in the next day or 2, he may have to have surgery. Cosmo is already going to make fun of him for having his leg shaved, can you imagine the ridicule he's going to get if his tummy is shaved too?!? ;o)

It's amazing how much you love some one and how bad it hurts when they're sick. How miserable you feel when he's missing. How you can't wait until you get him back. I miss my Felix, my little fuzzy snuggle bug.

Riddle me this Batman...

2008-09-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

Happy first day of school! I hate school buses, in case anyone cares. Especially when the darling little bus riders are late for their bus.

Happy first day of school, unless you live in the Bellevue school district. Your teachers are on strike, your summer vacation has been extended and likely next year's summer will be shorter. Hats off to your teachers. In my opinion, celebrities should be making minimum wage while our teachers make millions a year. But that's not the point.

The point is:
(climbing onto soap box)
Why are the teachers striking today? The Bellevue School district has known since June (mind you) that if a new contract wasn't reached by today, teachers would be striking today. Why did it take all summer for them to begin negotiations when the simple answer was to negotiate a new contract at the end of the last school year? Hmm? Riddle me that Batman...

(tripping off soap box)
I am finished.
That is all.

Oh to want to be a naughty girl

2008-07-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

So I've been itching to blog for a while now. But I have been refraining, with a lot of difficulty.

I'm a currently in the middle of a new job search. I am fed up with my current employment and looking for something more fulfilling. It's been a long, frustrating process. I can't make myself apply for those jobs that will put me right back into a situation like I am in now. I just can't do it! So it's making the search and application a wee bit more difficult.

I have found the job love of my life! I just need the interview. I know in my heart if I can obtain that crucial interview, I'll nail the job. I'm keeping my entire body crossed at the moment and keeping positive about the whole thing. Please help in keeping your fingers crossed for me too!

The only little problem I see in applying for jobs is, I have to keep my nose clean and watch what I say on the internet. Many companies do internet searches to research their potential future employees. The company I have applied at, it really wouldn't surprise me if they took a peak at my bolg (hint hint, they run this blog site. Should I have said that? Ah well, I'm throwing caution to the wind). So far I haven't felt like I've posted anything abnormally outrageous, or contemptuous. All in all, it's nothing I feel I should be worried about. But boy am I'm really having to bite my tongue these past few months.

One of my former colleagues and I had many long talks about work ethics and treatment of employees, at what was once a shared employment. He has fortunately moved on to another job. Needless to say, these conversations we had were not exactly positive conversations. Now, I'm not one to talk bad about people. I like to have a positive attitude it makes life more enjoyable. The negative really does have a way of putting a dark gloom over things. And besides, it makes me feel like a horrible person talking negative about someone. It's just my nature.

So here's my dilemma. I want to share with people my current experiences to make them aware that it's NOT okay to treat your employees in such a manor as I experience every day, but I don't want it to be construed by potential future employers as bad mouthing my current employer. It's not bad mouthing I want to express, it is about basic human treatment that everyone is entitled too regardless. So I'm left in an ethical quandary as to what to do. The right thing would be to keep my fingers quite. But do I have to keep the quite forever? Is there ever a right time to share?

The best solution to my current problem, would to be to resign from my job, but with the cost of living on the rise, it would be a very irresponsible move on my part financially. So responsible I shall continue to be, but ethically torn by my standards of treatment and need to continue to bring home a paycheck. It's remarkably a hard situation to deal with. I'm starting to understand why people continue to work at low end jobs. They have to, just to make ends meet. It's a sad situation.

But, as with all things in my life, I like to try to leave things with a positive note.

There are some things I do appreciate at my job. There are people that I work with (outside my office) who truly make it worth going to work each day. And to those people, thank you for all your support and kindness and those smart ass comments that keep me laughing. I shall miss them all when I leave, they have become part of my family.

A light box epiphany

2008-02-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

So, Corey got a copy of Adobe Light Box for his birthday this year. It's a photo editing software that he's been playing with for the last couple of days. Last night I was perusing through the pictures that were loaded in the software. We have vacation pictures from our trip to Disneyworld in 2006 and our most current trip to Disneyland this year. This software is way cool. You can tag pictures for sorting. Corey tagged pictures of me, him, the both of us, etc. So you can search pictures by person, by date, by even camera type and lenses the picture was taken with. I have to say it again, it's way cool.

But the software isn't the point of my story. The point of my story is the picture comparison of myself from December 2006 to January 2008. And I have to say, what a world of difference 13 months can make for one person.

Let me start back about 5 years ago. 5 years ago (give or take) Corey and I moved in together into an apartment. I moved out of my parents home and into my first real adult place. No more mom doing my laundry (yes she still did my laundry, but not by my choice), no more home cooked meals. I was truly on my own as an adult. Financial independence. Moving out meant it was now up to Corey and I to do it all on our own. Including grocery shopping. Grocery shopping was fun then. Macaroni and cheese, Top Ramen, bags of chips, and yes the required fruits and vegetables. I bought the goodies I never got at home. It was great.

It was great until about 4 months later. 4 months later, I realized I had gained 20 pounds. 20 pounds!!! I was now a 5ft, 5in 23 year old who weighed 170 pounds! Holy Crap. It shocks me even today that I weighed 170lbs, a few pounds off of being obese. I went on a crash diet after that and lost 10 pounds, only to regain 5. At least it was only 5 and not the 10 I'd lost originally. I tried to be pro active in the quest to loose more weight. I signed up for the gym and had a few personal trainer sessions to learn how to really push myself and have an effective and challenging work out. That was 2006. I went to the gym 2-3 times a week, minimum, took walks during my lunch hours, tried to worked on my portion control, and tried not to eat too many fries and potato chips. Only to succeed in not loosing a single pound.

It frustrates me now thinking about it that I worked hard and didn't loose a single pound. If I did loose any weight, it was gained back later. At the time, I was okay with the out come. I felt good and thought I looked good. I was a little more trimmed and muscular than I had been before. I had reached my goal of being relatively in shape for our 2006 Disneyworld trip. I thought I looked not to shabby. Key word, I THOUGHT.

Since that December trip, I have, by some miracle of some kind, been fortunate to loose as of this morning, 14 pounds over the last 13 months. I've made it from 165 pounds down to 151 pounds. One pound short of my starting weight 5 years ago. I can't claim any dieting secrets, I can speculate on a few reasons almost all of them being medical with a little hard work every now and then. I can thank a medication that works a little as an appetite suppression (and I'll be sad to see that go when it does) and a digestion ailment which hinders my desire to eat which has succeeded in shrinking my stomach enough that I can only eat small portions now. But that is the key. The small portions. I eat relatively frequently throughout the day, but it's small portions of one thing or another that has really jump started this process and made the weight loss stick and continue to work. It took me a year to loose the 10 pounds, but you know what, I haven't gained a single pound back. As impatient as I am, it's been the length in time that has allowed me to keep those 10 pounds successfully off and hopefully keep them off permanently.

This brings me back to Light Box and what started this blog. I was comparing trip pictures last night and what a difference those 13 months have shown. I was chunky a year ago and I was okay with it then. Now, not so much. I'm not okay with how overweight I looked! I'm almost embarrassed to show any one those pictures from a year ago. I feel shame now at how I let myself go. But it's also a tool that I can continue to use. Hence the epiphany. Pictures are a great motivational tool to keep moving forward. I like the Disneyland pictures of myself, but I don't love them. But I will use them to continue to better the way I look and feel about myself. To use them as a reminder that I can and do look and feel better and to continue to do so.

My goal, to make it back to the 135 pounds I used to be in High school. To be healthy and active and back in shape. I have another 16 pounds to go, and if it takes me another 2 years to do it, I'm okay with that.

What once was a dream (part 1)

2008-02-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

It's about time I got back to blogging. Maybe.

Last week I got home from a birthday trip with Corey. It was his birthday and he's always wanted to go somewhere for his birthday, so we went to Disneyland. One of his most favorite places to go. The weather was rainy and cold, but we powered through the trip. It quit raining Monday morning and things got busier. I can't complain about the rain (seeing as how I do live in a very rainy city), we did get to walk on to most of the rides because of it. A pair of rain coats and a Mickey umbrella did a great service. We were prepared for the rain, this time. I think our longest wait for any ride was 15 minutes and that's because we waited for the front seat on California Screaming. We even got on Nemo's submarine ride in under 15 minutes, now that is some good planning!

Overall we had a good time. The off season has really spoiled us on any theme park. No waiting. No hot, sweltering day. No overcrowded restaurants or long waits for food. The only set back to off peak season is that some of the rides are closed for upkeep. That works for me depending upon which rides are closed. We only missed It's a Small World. An annoying classic, that I did truly miss riding on this time around.

By the end of the trip I was a little disappointed and let down. The happiest place on earth isn't so happy any more. What has happened to Walt's dream? It's so sad to see Walt's pride and joy become a place where happiness is forced, paint is peeling, the grounds are littered, and the plant life in need of desperate up keeping. Where did his vision go?

Am I being biased? Am I expecting too much? Am I just growing up? What happened that dream place I knew as a child? Where is the Disneyland that used to be?

Disneyland today is not what Disneyland was even 3, 4 years ago. The magic is disappearing. We walked through so many buildings that were looking warn and in desperate need of cleaning and sprucing up. Paint peeling from railings, concrete cracked and holy. Shrubs in need of trimming, old vegetation rotting on the grounds. Garbage strewn along the walkways with no "street" sweepers in sight. Cast members can are even seen walking down main street looking as though they hate their job and would rather be anywhere else. They act out of character, and talk gossip about their other co-workers throughout the day. They rarely smile. It's as if the park has lost it's happiness. It's as if Walt's dream is dying.

I understand that we arrived during a very non peak season where Disney does spend it's time fixing up it's parks. But the degree of neglect this park is saddening.

Now don't get me wrong, our trip was not full of disappointments. There is a little magic still left there. You just have to find it sometimes. There were a few exceptional cast members who truly have the Disney spirit. The ride operator on Peter Pan who put smiles on every little child's face, and many of the big "children's" faces as well. And the embroiderer at the Mad Hatter. I wish I remember the embroiderer's name, I only remember his home town was in Japan. He truly had the Disney Magic and absolutely made the day special for me. I bought my first pair of Mickey ears in 22 years (I had a pair when I was 6) and he spent the time finding and listening to my Mickey Ear quest, to my story about the 6 year old with the Mickey ears destroyed after so many years of use. And after the ears were done, he gave me one of his "My dreams came true at Disneyland" buttons. Because my quest and dream had come true. To own a new pair of Mickey ears with my name on it. He some how knew that he had help make a dream come true.

I must be crazy...

2007-12-21T10:29:00.001-08:00

I've been doing some sole searching this year, not necessarily by choice. I'm not very comfortable yet turning 30. I know, I'm not turning 30 for another 2 years and 4 months, but it relay has been weighing on my mind, a lot! I am so disappointed at where I am in life. I relay have the early life crisis. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I'm stuck at a job that has no satisfaction what so ever. The only thing enjoyable about my life is my relationships, but sometimes even those are not enough for a person. Yes, I can be greedy and I do feel justified in being so at this moment in time. (but that's another story).

So what is a girl to do?

I've decided to take a little initiative in the active quest to do something significant before I hit the age of 30. Something that is within my control, something that is not dependent upon someone esle's decision. What is this something significant? Something crazy I tell you. I have decided that I'm going to run a half marathon. Me, the lazy ass who hasn't run since she was 18. I'm giving myself until December 2009 to get my squishy tush in shape. I don't imagine that it would be physically possible for me to do it this year (okay, 2008), and since this is such a huge step for me, I thought I'd give myself a little extra time to actually accomplish this. There shall be no wussing out. I need to stay motivated.

So I am putting out a challenge. Anyone interested in joining me, training with me? It's a 13 mile run/walk at a 16 minute mile. That's a nice brisk walk for anyone who's interested. My goal, to run the whole darned thing. I'll leave the challenge up to you. If your interested, I'll tell you where I'm going for this crazy fun time. Here's a hint.

A different view of my holiday

2007-12-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

**Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to offend or hurt any one in any way. This blog is solely based on my own thoughts and beliefs. These thoughts and beliefs are my own. I am willing to share, but I will never impose them on anyone. They are mine alone.**

I got to thinking the other day about the holidays and of course religion crops up too. This is the holiday season and it is circled around religious events. Christmas is the birth of Jesus, the son of God. Hanukkah is the festival of lights. What it really seams to boil down to is the season of gift giving. A time for giving and receiving gifts. I still can quite figure out where the tradition of gift giving came from, but I’m regressing. To me Christmas is about family, a time where we can get together and share time and love together, and yes the occasional gift given from the heart. It is, fortunately or not, no longer about religion for me.

Let me go back to where this has started for me this holiday season. Corey and I were at dinner the other night, and we saw a couple pray over their meal. It got us talking about religion. Corey grew up having to attend church with his father as a child. He “witnessed” the “saving grace and healing touch of God” through theatrics and bad parlor tricks. I was raised Catholic. Born, baptized and even confirmed catholic. I went to catholic grade school, even catholic high school. Prayer was an every day thing at school as well as attending church on the weekends (for the most part). We sat there at dinner, for a brief time, talking about religion and what it was like to us as children.

After that conversation, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about religion, God, and what I believe in life. I’ve come to the short conclusion that I’m not sure if I do believe in God or not. I don’t believe that 90% of the world’s population is delusional for believing in one form of God or not. What it boils down to is, while I may or may not believe in a God, it does not stop me from understanding that so many other people out there in the world believe in one form of divine being or another. I do not believe that there is one true God and that all others are false. I believe in tolerance, love, compassion and kindness (among many other things).

This part of my thinking process brings me to religion. I’m thrown into terrible turmoil this year. I was talking with my mom about going to church on Christmas Eve. About who will go and who will stay home with the sleeping little ones. I think about going to church as being the proper thing to do, but there is this part of me screaming no. I don’t really know what to do. I can’t support an institution at this point in my life that says most things I believe in are wrong and evil and not an act of God. Yes the church teaches us to love one another that all things are created equal, and we are all created in God’s image. But that’s not all the church teaches us. It teaches us intolerance, hate and bigotry. How can an institution proclaim to be the house of God and teach us these things? I’m talking about the church teaching people that using birth control is a sin, a woman choice to have an abortion is a sin, but mostly teaching that a child of God, built in his (or her) image is a sin if that person is gay. How can someone who is built in the image of God be a sin? How can it be wrong?

I believe the church has lead people to think it’s okay to hate people hate and discriminate against them because of their sexuality. Freedom of speech is one thing, but protesting at a soldier’s funeral saying that “Iraq is a punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality” (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21566280/) is so immoral and just… I don’t even have the words for the anger inside me. And where is the church when this happens? Supporting these protesters, and I’m so saddened to see, the picture in the article link, are children, children who were taught to hate not only by their parents but by their church. It makes me so upset to know our children, the future of our human race is taught to hate because someone is different.

I’ve taken about a week here to think this through. Are these thoughts that I really want to post for anyone to see? I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, I am okay with it. It is okay to have an opinion, it is okay to share them. I don’t ask for acceptance from any one on the way I see things, but I do ask for respect for actually having the courage to share these things. I do ask for people to be able to see the other side of my story, to see it, to respect it, to understand that this is how I feel. To see how important this is to me, and to maybe understand my turmoil.

I have not given up on the quest for my beliefs. I will continue to search, to learn, to love. Someday I may realize that this is a quest from God, and some day I may learn that it’s not. Each day is a step in one direction or the other. I just have to trust that these steps lead me in the right direction, to the right decisions.

Spicy! (To be said spysay)

2007-12-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

Here's a random blog for you.

Saturday we took a trip to World Spice in Seattle. What an amazing spice store. They have almost any kind of spice or tea you could think of. We spent a pretty penny there picking out spices and mixes. The cupboard smells heavenly of the Vietnamese cinnamon (cassia) that we bought. I could just stand in front of the cupboard all day long, taking long, luxurious inhales. It's like crack, seriously.

We bought a jerk spice rub (not this isn't dirty, Tony), that had all the promise in the world, smelled like good ol' traditional jerk seasoning. We tried it out on Monday night. Marinaded the chicken in the rub and some rum (that was one of their suggestions). It had all the heat of jerk, but none of the flavor. Sigh. I suppose I'll have to make a special trip to Jamaica just to get some good ol' traditional jerk chicken. It was like the seasoning was all habanero and nothing else. This was a spicy chicken, no wonder my tummy still burned the next morning!

If anyone out there has a good jerk recipe, please pass it on. I'd love to try it!

And the Nagging never stoppes

2007-11-30T13:19:00.001-08:00

Okay, okay.

I know I'm lame at blogging. I'm a mental blogger and by the time I get to the actually writing of the blogs, it all comes out horribly, so I delete them. That is why I am the queen of paper writing procrastination. Anything I write ahead of time is complete dookie.

So I've be tagged again. I suppose I'll play along. And as always, I have not blogging friends to tag. Sigh, I feel like a grade schooler again. No friends to play with.

Here we go.

Age at next birthday:

I'm starting to feel old.

Place I'd like to travel:

Too many to choose from
Vietnam, why? The photography.

Africa. This says it all.

Favorite Place:

Anywhere Disney.

Favorite object:

Super jumbo Bobo tea straws. They're just fun to use.

Favorite food:

Mmmm, stuffing.

Favorite color:

I can't choose just one, so we'll go with the standby blue. It's always a good color.

Nickname:

One that I've never really liked, but it's stuck. Considering my mother calls me this.

Birthplace:

What a beautiful city!

I hate playing Tag.

2007-11-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

Thanks Not the Queen. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate playing tag? That's a bonus fact you probably didn't know!

Here are the rules. (1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. (2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I’m afraid of being a hypochondriac. That’s right I’m afraid of becoming my grandmother who is a full blown hypochondriac. I don’t want to visit the doctor at least once a week every week for the rest of my natural life when there’s NOTHING wrong with me.

2. I’m superstitious. I find that if I really want something, go somewhere, or want to do something so bad, I can’t talk or think about it at all or it won’t happen or come true. Case in point, I talked and shared to everyone that Corey and I were going to go to club 33 in Disneyland this January. We lucked out and got on the list, but wait, it’s closed for renovation the whole time we’ll be there. Remind me to keep my mouth shut.

3. I have the worst Karma/Luck. I’ve never won anything of importance and I’m stuck in the worst rut again in my life. Karma’s a bitch. I can’t figure out where I did my Karma wrong either.

4. I love to plan. I love to plan anything; chances of me following any of my plans or completing them are pretty slim. I like the challenge of getting everything to fit in where it can go. I start planning what I’m doing for a trip months before it’s even booked. (sorry to you all who are going on the World trip next December, I’m going to start getting neurotic, I feel it coming on already)

5. I’m true to my Aries sign. I like things my way and I don’t like doing what other people say (unless it’s in a suggestive tone, then I’m completely okay with it). I’m stubborn, but I can be yielding when need be. I can see both sides of the story. No I don’t have to have the last word, but by gosh, I have THE hardest time with authority. I feel so darned defiant to it in any way. Hence the fact I’ll never join the armed forces.

6. I hate assumptive tones. HATE THEM! Nothing sets me off other than someone assuming that I am at fault before even asking. I hate when being blamed for things others do and the assuming air that of course no one else could be to blame. Grrr, just thinking about it makes me all hot and bothered, and not in the good way.

7. I love carbs. I actually prefer them to anything else. I could eat an entire meal of just carbs. Yum.

8. I’m lactose intolerant, among other things. Dairy gives me lower tummy digestion problems. Nuff said.

I am tagging, um, no one I guess. I have no blog friends and it's no fun to tag your sister back when she's the one who tagged you in the first place. This is probably why we never played tag as kids, there were only ever 2 of us.

Shake Rattle and Roll

2007-10-12T14:17:00.000-07:00

Okay,

So I'm weird. I know it. I even freely admit it. But I also have some weird genes in the family as well. So this morning, Corey's Stepsister gave birth to her first child. Needless to say Corey and I have been up and down since around 8:00pm last night waiting on news of the little one's arrival. Her arrival came at around 5:30 this morning, so we were off to the hospital for a little visit at about 6:30 this morning. With that said, I'm a little tired at work today, not big deal, it happens every now and then. So I decide, against better judgement, to have a cup of coffee. Well the coffee we have at work here is super octane stuff. We're talking about caffeeeeeeein city here (at least for me). Like drinking an entire Monster's drink of caffeine in one tiny 8oz cup. No big deal you think? I've been shaking like a leaf since 8:30 this morning. My hands are shaking so badly that it's hard to type. Yes, I can be taught, and no I don't always heed my own advice!

Thank you mom, for those funky caffeine genes. They are very entertaining for my co-workers.

I take it back

2007-10-03T11:03:00.001-07:00

Okay, I take it back. Never will I say nothing happens interesting or not. I take it back! Now can I get back to a normal life where things are normal and not completely screwed up? Maybe I should say I won the lotto. Maybe then it'll come true. Keeping my fingers crossed, I'm hopping lady luck decides to grace me with her presence. We sure could use some good luck and good Karma right about now.

Walk down memory lane

2007-07-20T15:04:00.001-07:00

With Grandpa's memorial coming up, it's brought up a lot of memories that I had forgotten about until now. We're not talking about bad memories, but the ones you will forever remember from when you were a kid. The summers my sister and I spent wandering around Washington's state parks with our home made walking sticks with Grandma and Grandpa, taking trips to Soap Lake to visit family, and tasting how disgusting the water is in Soap Lake (not something I recommend). Things that made our childhood summers so fun. I remember spending the mornings and afternoons and Grandma and Grandpa's after school playing games. Endless games, board games, card games, you name it. I still remember the day Grandpa taught us how to play cribbage. We'd show our hands to each other, using other family members to help pick out our crib. I think grandpa spent a lot of time letting us win. I remember going into the garden and eating chives picked from the garden, raiding the peas on the vine and not leaving many for anyone else. I remember the unconditional love we all shared.

I'm saddened to know as life got busier and we grew up, we didn't take the time to show that unconditional love that was always there. I feel regret that I didn't take the time. I'm hoping that now I'll be able to give back a little of that time. I decided, before I was asked, to take up the task of putting together Grandpa's memorial. Dad was going to put the task in my hands, but together we have all helped. I can not and will not take credit for the things I have not done. I have, however decided that with the help of mom, dad, Hill, Chris, Corey and Grandma, that I am going to do the best I can to help celebrate Grandpa's life. As I feel that I haven't always been around to show my love, this is the best way I can express the unconditional love I have for him my family.

I got stoned...

2007-06-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe not the most tactile title, but hey, really, I did get stoned. Kidney stoned that is.

I should really never start things off with nothing exciting happens in my life. Because once I say something like that, a little spice is thrown into the mix. Bother. I shouldn't open my big mouth.

So last Thursday night was an adventure. Corey and I were out to dinner and going to Costco afterwards to pick up a few things. We get to Costco, and something isn't right. I feel funny and it feels like someone is using my back as a punching bag, but only on the left side. Weird huh? So i elected to go home and not shop. I was a little too much in pain to wander around and have to deal with the crowd. So I call Corey's mom, thinking she'll know what to do, she works in the medical field. The brilliant idea of go to the emergency room was automatically no way. I wasn't hurting that bad (I think I'd have to be spurting blood before I step foot in an emergency room,. No thanks). Turns out, it was a kidney stone, either that or a petrified piece of dookie in the bottom of the toilet bowl. No, it wasn't the most painful thing in the world (knock on wood), but it sure wasn't pleasant. I'm hoping this is the first and last time I'll ever have to go through it. Apparently it was a pretty good sized stone. You could see the different lobes of it's development. Stay tuned and hopefully I'll find out what type it is!

**Update. So the nurse calls me on Friday the 6th from the Dr.'s office to confirm my stone. It's a very common calcium stone. Not so bad I don't need any other testing. Yippie! I'm relay getting tired of having to pay for labs. I know $6 here, and $10 there for things, but it adds up. So with this diagnosis means, I need to eat certain foods in moderation or not at all. Okay, I think to myself, this should be so bad. Little did I know, beets, chocolate, coffee, cola, nuts, rhubarb, spinach, strawberries, tea, wheat bran, dairy and soy are on this list. A) I'm lactose intolerant, so B)what am I supposed to put on my cereal, rice milk? Hell no. Blech. And who's the jerk who decided that chocolate and strawberries should be eating in moderation?!? Grrr. Shhhh, we just wont tell the doctor that I'm eating my share of chocolate and strawberries this summer!

Survey Says...

2007-06-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought I'd do it. Start a blog. Hmm, why did I do this again? I don't know in attempts to maybe, just maybe find an outlet for thoughts or news, or really just to goof around with. It just seemed like something to do, for the time that is.

I have nothing news worthy, but hey, that could change in a matter of minutes. I may be abducted by aliens, or win the lotto, or fall down and scrape my elbow. Who knows. It may be entertaining it may not.

So stay tuned and be bored. Heck if I have to be bored, someone else out there should be as well!

Sydney