A random string of incoherent thoughts, brought to you by that mass of tissue I call my brain...
Thursday, February 14, 2008
A light box epiphany
But the software isn't the point of my story. The point of my story is the picture comparison of myself from December 2006 to January 2008. And I have to say, what a world of difference 13 months can make for one person.
Let me start back about 5 years ago. 5 years ago (give or take) Corey and I moved in together into an apartment. I moved out of my parents home and into my first real adult place. No more mom doing my laundry (yes she still did my laundry, but not by my choice), no more home cooked meals. I was truly on my own as an adult. Financial independence. Moving out meant it was now up to Corey and I to do it all on our own. Including grocery shopping. Grocery shopping was fun then. Macaroni and cheese, Top Ramen, bags of chips, and yes the required fruits and vegetables. I bought the goodies I never got at home. It was great.
It was great until about 4 months later. 4 months later, I realized I had gained 20 pounds. 20 pounds!!! I was now a 5ft, 5in 23 year old who weighed 170 pounds! Holy Crap. It shocks me even today that I weighed 170lbs, a few pounds off of being obese. I went on a crash diet after that and lost 10 pounds, only to regain 5. At least it was only 5 and not the 10 I'd lost originally. I tried to be pro active in the quest to loose more weight. I signed up for the gym and had a few personal trainer sessions to learn how to really push myself and have an effective and challenging work out. That was 2006. I went to the gym 2-3 times a week, minimum, took walks during my lunch hours, tried to worked on my portion control, and tried not to eat too many fries and potato chips. Only to succeed in not loosing a single pound.
It frustrates me now thinking about it that I worked hard and didn't loose a single pound. If I did loose any weight, it was gained back later. At the time, I was okay with the out come. I felt good and thought I looked good. I was a little more trimmed and muscular than I had been before. I had reached my goal of being relatively in shape for our 2006 Disneyworld trip. I thought I looked not to shabby. Key word, I THOUGHT.
Since that December trip, I have, by some miracle of some kind, been fortunate to loose as of this morning, 14 pounds over the last 13 months. I've made it from 165 pounds down to 151 pounds. One pound short of my starting weight 5 years ago. I can't claim any dieting secrets, I can speculate on a few reasons almost all of them being medical with a little hard work every now and then. I can thank a medication that works a little as an appetite suppression (and I'll be sad to see that go when it does) and a digestion ailment which hinders my desire to eat which has succeeded in shrinking my stomach enough that I can only eat small portions now. But that is the key. The small portions. I eat relatively frequently throughout the day, but it's small portions of one thing or another that has really jump started this process and made the weight loss stick and continue to work. It took me a year to loose the 10 pounds, but you know what, I haven't gained a single pound back. As impatient as I am, it's been the length in time that has allowed me to keep those 10 pounds successfully off and hopefully keep them off permanently.
This brings me back to Light Box and what started this blog. I was comparing trip pictures last night and what a difference those 13 months have shown. I was chunky a year ago and I was okay with it then. Now, not so much. I'm not okay with how overweight I looked! I'm almost embarrassed to show any one those pictures from a year ago. I feel shame now at how I let myself go. But it's also a tool that I can continue to use. Hence the epiphany. Pictures are a great motivational tool to keep moving forward. I like the Disneyland pictures of myself, but I don't love them. But I will use them to continue to better the way I look and feel about myself. To use them as a reminder that I can and do look and feel better and to continue to do so.
My goal, to make it back to the 135 pounds I used to be in High school. To be healthy and active and back in shape. I have another 16 pounds to go, and if it takes me another 2 years to do it, I'm okay with that.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
What once was a dream (part 1)
Last week I got home from a birthday trip with Corey. It was his birthday and he's always wanted to go somewhere for his birthday, so we went to Disneyland. One of his most favorite places to go. The weather was rainy and cold, but we powered through the trip. It quit raining Monday morning and things got busier. I can't complain about the rain (seeing as how I do live in a very rainy city), we did get to walk on to most of the rides because of it. A pair of rain coats and a Mickey umbrella did a great service. We were prepared for the rain, this time. I think our longest wait for any ride was 15 minutes and that's because we waited for the front seat on California Screaming. We even got on Nemo's submarine ride in under 15 minutes, now that is some good planning!
Overall we had a good time. The off season has really spoiled us on any theme park. No waiting. No hot, sweltering day. No overcrowded restaurants or long waits for food. The only set back to off peak season is that some of the rides are closed for upkeep. That works for me depending upon which rides are closed. We only missed It's a Small World. An annoying classic, that I did truly miss riding on this time around.
By the end of the trip I was a little disappointed and let down. The happiest place on earth isn't so happy any more. What has happened to Walt's dream? It's so sad to see Walt's pride and joy become a place where happiness is forced, paint is peeling, the grounds are littered, and the plant life in need of desperate up keeping. Where did his vision go?
Am I being biased? Am I expecting too much? Am I just growing up? What happened that dream place I knew as a child? Where is the Disneyland that used to be?
Disneyland today is not what Disneyland was even 3, 4 years ago. The magic is disappearing. We walked through so many buildings that were looking warn and in desperate need of cleaning and sprucing up. Paint peeling from railings, concrete cracked and holy. Shrubs in need of trimming, old vegetation rotting on the grounds. Garbage strewn along the walkways with no "street" sweepers in sight. Cast members can are even seen walking down main street looking as though they hate their job and would rather be anywhere else. They act out of character, and talk gossip about their other co-workers throughout the day. They rarely smile. It's as if the park has lost it's happiness. It's as if Walt's dream is dying.
I understand that we arrived during a very non peak season where Disney does spend it's time fixing up it's parks. But the degree of neglect this park is saddening.
Now don't get me wrong, our trip was not full of disappointments. There is a little magic still left there. You just have to find it sometimes. There were a few exceptional cast members who truly have the Disney spirit. The ride operator on Peter Pan who put smiles on every little child's face, and many of the big "children's" faces as well. And the embroiderer at the Mad Hatter. I wish I remember the embroiderer's name, I only remember his home town was in Japan. He truly had the Disney Magic and absolutely made the day special for me. I bought my first pair of Mickey ears in 22 years (I had a pair when I was 6) and he spent the time finding and listening to my Mickey Ear quest, to my story about the 6 year old with the Mickey ears destroyed after so many years of use. And after the ears were done, he gave me one of his "My dreams came true at Disneyland" buttons. Because my quest and dream had come true. To own a new pair of Mickey ears with my name on it. He some how knew that he had help make a dream come true.
Friday, December 21, 2007
I must be crazy...
So what is a girl to do?
I've decided to take a little initiative in the active quest to do something significant before I hit the age of 30. Something that is within my control, something that is not dependent upon someone esle's decision. What is this something significant? Something crazy I tell you. I have decided that I'm going to run a half marathon. Me, the lazy ass who hasn't run since she was 18. I'm giving myself until December 2009 to get my squishy tush in shape. I don't imagine that it would be physically possible for me to do it this year (okay, 2008), and since this is such a huge step for me, I thought I'd give myself a little extra time to actually accomplish this. There shall be no wussing out. I need to stay motivated.
So I am putting out a challenge. Anyone interested in joining me, training with me? It's a 13 mile run/walk at a 16 minute mile. That's a nice brisk walk for anyone who's interested. My goal, to run the whole darned thing. I'll leave the challenge up to you. If your interested, I'll tell you where I'm going for this crazy fun time. Here's a hint.
Monday, December 10, 2007
A different view of my holiday
I got to thinking the other day about the holidays and of course religion crops up too. This is the holiday season and it is circled around religious events. Christmas is the birth of Jesus, the son of God. Hanukkah is the festival of lights. What it really seams to boil down to is the season of gift giving. A time for giving and receiving gifts. I still can quite figure out where the tradition of gift giving came from, but I’m regressing. To me Christmas is about family, a time where we can get together and share time and love together, and yes the occasional gift given from the heart. It is, fortunately or not, no longer about religion for me.
Let me go back to where this has started for me this holiday season. Corey and I were at dinner the other night, and we saw a couple pray over their meal. It got us talking about religion. Corey grew up having to attend church with his father as a child. He “witnessed” the “saving grace and healing touch of God” through theatrics and bad parlor tricks. I was raised Catholic. Born, baptized and even confirmed catholic. I went to catholic grade school, even catholic high school. Prayer was an every day thing at school as well as attending church on the weekends (for the most part). We sat there at dinner, for a brief time, talking about religion and what it was like to us as children.
After that conversation, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about religion, God, and what I believe in life. I’ve come to the short conclusion that I’m not sure if I do believe in God or not. I don’t believe that 90% of the world’s population is delusional for believing in one form of God or not. What it boils down to is, while I may or may not believe in a God, it does not stop me from understanding that so many other people out there in the world believe in one form of divine being or another. I do not believe that there is one true God and that all others are false. I believe in tolerance, love, compassion and kindness (among many other things).
This part of my thinking process brings me to religion. I’m thrown into terrible turmoil this year. I was talking with my mom about going to church on Christmas Eve. About who will go and who will stay home with the sleeping little ones. I think about going to church as being the proper thing to do, but there is this part of me screaming no. I don’t really know what to do. I can’t support an institution at this point in my life that says most things I believe in are wrong and evil and not an act of God. Yes the church teaches us to love one another that all things are created equal, and we are all created in God’s image. But that’s not all the church teaches us. It teaches us intolerance, hate and bigotry. How can an institution proclaim to be the house of God and teach us these things? I’m talking about the church teaching people that using birth control is a sin, a woman choice to have an abortion is a sin, but mostly teaching that a child of God, built in his (or her) image is a sin if that person is gay. How can someone who is built in the image of God be a sin? How can it be wrong?
I believe the church has lead people to think it’s okay to hate people hate and discriminate against them because of their sexuality. Freedom of speech is one thing, but protesting at a soldier’s funeral saying that “Iraq is a punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality” (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21566280/) is so immoral and just… I don’t even have the words for the anger inside me. And where is the church when this happens? Supporting these protesters, and I’m so saddened to see, the picture in the article link, are children, children who were taught to hate not only by their parents but by their church. It makes me so upset to know our children, the future of our human race is taught to hate because someone is different.
I’ve taken about a week here to think this through. Are these thoughts that I really want to post for anyone to see? I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, I am okay with it. It is okay to have an opinion, it is okay to share them. I don’t ask for acceptance from any one on the way I see things, but I do ask for respect for actually having the courage to share these things. I do ask for people to be able to see the other side of my story, to see it, to respect it, to understand that this is how I feel. To see how important this is to me, and to maybe understand my turmoil.
I have not given up on the quest for my beliefs. I will continue to search, to learn, to love. Someday I may realize that this is a quest from God, and some day I may learn that it’s not. Each day is a step in one direction or the other. I just have to trust that these steps lead me in the right direction, to the right decisions.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Spicy! (To be said spysay)
Saturday we took a trip to World Spice in Seattle. What an amazing spice store. They have almost any kind of spice or tea you could think of. We spent a pretty penny there picking out spices and mixes. The cupboard smells heavenly of the Vietnamese cinnamon (cassia) that we bought. I could just stand in front of the cupboard all day long, taking long, luxurious inhales. It's like crack, seriously.
We bought a jerk spice rub (not this isn't dirty, Tony), that had all the promise in the world, smelled like good ol' traditional jerk seasoning. We tried it out on Monday night. Marinaded the chicken in the rub and some rum (that was one of their suggestions). It had all the heat of jerk, but none of the flavor. Sigh. I suppose I'll have to make a special trip to Jamaica just to get some good ol' traditional jerk chicken. It was like the seasoning was all habanero and nothing else. This was a spicy chicken, no wonder my tummy still burned the next morning!
If anyone out there has a good jerk recipe, please pass it on. I'd love to try it!
Friday, November 30, 2007
And the Nagging never stoppes
I know I'm lame at blogging. I'm a mental blogger and by the time I get to the actually writing of the blogs, it all comes out horribly, so I delete them. That is why I am the queen of paper writing procrastination. Anything I write ahead of time is complete dookie.
So I've be tagged again. I suppose I'll play along. And as always, I have not blogging friends to tag. Sigh, I feel like a grade schooler again. No friends to play with.
Here we go.
Age at next birthday:
I'm starting to feel old.Place I'd like to travel:
Too many to choose from
Vietnam, why? The photography.
Africa. This says it all.Favorite Place:
Anywhere Disney.Favorite object:
Super jumbo Bobo tea straws. They're just fun to use.Favorite food:
Mmmm, stuffing.Favorite color:
I can't choose just one, so we'll go with the standby blue. It's always a good color.Nickname:
One that I've never really liked, but it's stuck. Considering my mother calls me this.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I hate playing Tag.
Thanks Not the Queen. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate playing tag? That's a bonus fact you probably didn't know!
Here are the rules. (1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. (2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
1. I’m afraid of being a hypochondriac. That’s right I’m afraid of becoming my grandmother who is a full blown hypochondriac. I don’t want to visit the doctor at least once a week every week for the rest of my natural life when there’s NOTHING wrong with me.
2. I’m superstitious. I find that if I really want something, go somewhere, or want to do something so bad, I can’t talk or think about it at all or it won’t happen or come true. Case in point, I talked and shared to everyone that Corey and I were going to go to club 33 in Disneyland this January. We lucked out and got on the list, but wait, it’s closed for renovation the whole time we’ll be there. Remind me to keep my mouth shut.
3. I have the worst Karma/Luck. I’ve never won anything of importance and I’m stuck in the worst rut again in my life. Karma’s a bitch. I can’t figure out where I did my Karma wrong either.
4. I love to plan. I love to plan anything; chances of me following any of my plans or completing them are pretty slim. I like the challenge of getting everything to fit in where it can go. I start planning what I’m doing for a trip months before it’s even booked. (sorry to you all who are going on the World trip next December, I’m going to start getting neurotic, I feel it coming on already)
5. I’m true to my Aries sign. I like things my way and I don’t like doing what other people say (unless it’s in a suggestive tone, then I’m completely okay with it). I’m stubborn, but I can be yielding when need be. I can see both sides of the story. No I don’t have to have the last word, but by gosh, I have THE hardest time with authority. I feel so darned defiant to it in any way. Hence the fact I’ll never join the armed forces.
6. I hate assumptive tones. HATE THEM! Nothing sets me off other than someone assuming that I am at fault before even asking. I hate when being blamed for things others do and the assuming air that of course no one else could be to blame. Grrr, just thinking about it makes me all hot and bothered, and not in the good way.
7. I love carbs. I actually prefer them to anything else. I could eat an entire meal of just carbs. Yum.
8. I’m lactose intolerant, among other things. Dairy gives me lower tummy digestion problems. Nuff said.
I am tagging, um, no one I guess. I have no blog friends and it's no fun to tag your sister back when she's the one who tagged you in the first place. This is probably why we never played tag as kids, there were only ever 2 of us.
