A light box epiphany

So, Corey got a copy of Adobe Light Box for his birthday this year. It's a photo editing software that he's been playing with for the last couple of days. Last night I was perusing through the pictures that were loaded in the software. We have vacation pictures from our trip to Disneyworld in 2006 and our most current trip to Disneyland this year. This software is way cool. You can tag pictures for sorting. Corey tagged pictures of me, him, the both of us, etc. So you can search pictures by person, by date, by even camera type and lenses the picture was taken with. I have to say it again, it's way cool.

But the software isn't the point of my story. The point of my story is the picture comparison of myself from December 2006 to January 2008. And I have to say, what a world of difference 13 months can make for one person.

Let me start back about 5 years ago. 5 years ago (give or take) Corey and I moved in together into an apartment. I moved out of my parents home and into my first real adult place. No more mom doing my laundry (yes she still did my laundry, but not by my choice), no more home cooked meals. I was truly on my own as an adult. Financial independence. Moving out meant it was now up to Corey and I to do it all on our own. Including grocery shopping. Grocery shopping was fun then. Macaroni and cheese, Top Ramen, bags of chips, and yes the required fruits and vegetables. I bought the goodies I never got at home. It was great.

It was great until about 4 months later. 4 months later, I realized I had gained 20 pounds. 20 pounds!!! I was now a 5ft, 5in 23 year old who weighed 170 pounds! Holy Crap. It shocks me even today that I weighed 170lbs, a few pounds off of being obese. I went on a crash diet after that and lost 10 pounds, only to regain 5. At least it was only 5 and not the 10 I'd lost originally. I tried to be pro active in the quest to loose more weight. I signed up for the gym and had a few personal trainer sessions to learn how to really push myself and have an effective and challenging work out. That was 2006. I went to the gym 2-3 times a week, minimum, took walks during my lunch hours, tried to worked on my portion control, and tried not to eat too many fries and potato chips. Only to succeed in not loosing a single pound.

It frustrates me now thinking about it that I worked hard and didn't loose a single pound. If I did loose any weight, it was gained back later. At the time, I was okay with the out come. I felt good and thought I looked good. I was a little more trimmed and muscular than I had been before. I had reached my goal of being relatively in shape for our 2006 Disneyworld trip. I thought I looked not to shabby. Key word, I THOUGHT.

Since that December trip, I have, by some miracle of some kind, been fortunate to loose as of this morning, 14 pounds over the last 13 months. I've made it from 165 pounds down to 151 pounds. One pound short of my starting weight 5 years ago. I can't claim any dieting secrets, I can speculate on a few reasons almost all of them being medical with a little hard work every now and then. I can thank a medication that works a little as an appetite suppression (and I'll be sad to see that go when it does) and a digestion ailment which hinders my desire to eat which has succeeded in shrinking my stomach enough that I can only eat small portions now. But that is the key. The small portions. I eat relatively frequently throughout the day, but it's small portions of one thing or another that has really jump started this process and made the weight loss stick and continue to work. It took me a year to loose the 10 pounds, but you know what, I haven't gained a single pound back. As impatient as I am, it's been the length in time that has allowed me to keep those 10 pounds successfully off and hopefully keep them off permanently.

This brings me back to Light Box and what started this blog. I was comparing trip pictures last night and what a difference those 13 months have shown. I was chunky a year ago and I was okay with it then. Now, not so much. I'm not okay with how overweight I looked! I'm almost embarrassed to show any one those pictures from a year ago. I feel shame now at how I let myself go. But it's also a tool that I can continue to use. Hence the epiphany. Pictures are a great motivational tool to keep moving forward. I like the Disneyland pictures of myself, but I don't love them. But I will use them to continue to better the way I look and feel about myself. To use them as a reminder that I can and do look and feel better and to continue to do so.

My goal, to make it back to the 135 pounds I used to be in High school. To be healthy and active and back in shape. I have another 16 pounds to go, and if it takes me another 2 years to do it, I'm okay with that.