I must be crazy...

I've been doing some sole searching this year, not necessarily by choice. I'm not very comfortable yet turning 30. I know, I'm not turning 30 for another 2 years and 4 months, but it relay has been weighing on my mind, a lot! I am so disappointed at where I am in life. I relay have the early life crisis. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, I'm stuck at a job that has no satisfaction what so ever. The only thing enjoyable about my life is my relationships, but sometimes even those are not enough for a person. Yes, I can be greedy and I do feel justified in being so at this moment in time. (but that's another story).

So what is a girl to do?

I've decided to take a little initiative in the active quest to do something significant before I hit the age of 30. Something that is within my control, something that is not dependent upon someone esle's decision. What is this something significant? Something crazy I tell you. I have decided that I'm going to run a half marathon. Me, the lazy ass who hasn't run since she was 18. I'm giving myself until December 2009 to get my squishy tush in shape. I don't imagine that it would be physically possible for me to do it this year (okay, 2008), and since this is such a huge step for me, I thought I'd give myself a little extra time to actually accomplish this. There shall be no wussing out. I need to stay motivated.

So I am putting out a challenge. Anyone interested in joining me, training with me? It's a 13 mile run/walk at a 16 minute mile. That's a nice brisk walk for anyone who's interested. My goal, to run the whole darned thing. I'll leave the challenge up to you. If your interested, I'll tell you where I'm going for this crazy fun time. Here's a hint.

A different view of my holiday

**Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to offend or hurt any one in any way. This blog is solely based on my own thoughts and beliefs. These thoughts and beliefs are my own. I am willing to share, but I will never impose them on anyone. They are mine alone.**

I got to thinking the other day about the holidays and of course religion crops up too. This is the holiday season and it is circled around religious events. Christmas is the birth of Jesus, the son of God. Hanukkah is the festival of lights. What it really seams to boil down to is the season of gift giving. A time for giving and receiving gifts. I still can quite figure out where the tradition of gift giving came from, but I’m regressing. To me Christmas is about family, a time where we can get together and share time and love together, and yes the occasional gift given from the heart. It is, fortunately or not, no longer about religion for me.

Let me go back to where this has started for me this holiday season. Corey and I were at dinner the other night, and we saw a couple pray over their meal. It got us talking about religion. Corey grew up having to attend church with his father as a child. He “witnessed” the “saving grace and healing touch of God” through theatrics and bad parlor tricks. I was raised Catholic. Born, baptized and even confirmed catholic. I went to catholic grade school, even catholic high school. Prayer was an every day thing at school as well as attending church on the weekends (for the most part). We sat there at dinner, for a brief time, talking about religion and what it was like to us as children.

After that conversation, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about religion, God, and what I believe in life. I’ve come to the short conclusion that I’m not sure if I do believe in God or not. I don’t believe that 90% of the world’s population is delusional for believing in one form of God or not. What it boils down to is, while I may or may not believe in a God, it does not stop me from understanding that so many other people out there in the world believe in one form of divine being or another. I do not believe that there is one true God and that all others are false. I believe in tolerance, love, compassion and kindness (among many other things).

This part of my thinking process brings me to religion. I’m thrown into terrible turmoil this year. I was talking with my mom about going to church on Christmas Eve. About who will go and who will stay home with the sleeping little ones. I think about going to church as being the proper thing to do, but there is this part of me screaming no. I don’t really know what to do. I can’t support an institution at this point in my life that says most things I believe in are wrong and evil and not an act of God. Yes the church teaches us to love one another that all things are created equal, and we are all created in God’s image. But that’s not all the church teaches us. It teaches us intolerance, hate and bigotry. How can an institution proclaim to be the house of God and teach us these things? I’m talking about the church teaching people that using birth control is a sin, a woman choice to have an abortion is a sin, but mostly teaching that a child of God, built in his (or her) image is a sin if that person is gay. How can someone who is built in the image of God be a sin? How can it be wrong?

I believe the church has lead people to think it’s okay to hate people hate and discriminate against them because of their sexuality. Freedom of speech is one thing, but protesting at a soldier’s funeral saying that “Iraq is a punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality” (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21566280/) is so immoral and just… I don’t even have the words for the anger inside me. And where is the church when this happens? Supporting these protesters, and I’m so saddened to see, the picture in the article link, are children, children who were taught to hate not only by their parents but by their church. It makes me so upset to know our children, the future of our human race is taught to hate because someone is different.

I’ve taken about a week here to think this through. Are these thoughts that I really want to post for anyone to see? I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, I am okay with it. It is okay to have an opinion, it is okay to share them. I don’t ask for acceptance from any one on the way I see things, but I do ask for respect for actually having the courage to share these things. I do ask for people to be able to see the other side of my story, to see it, to respect it, to understand that this is how I feel. To see how important this is to me, and to maybe understand my turmoil.

I have not given up on the quest for my beliefs. I will continue to search, to learn, to love. Someday I may realize that this is a quest from God, and some day I may learn that it’s not. Each day is a step in one direction or the other. I just have to trust that these steps lead me in the right direction, to the right decisions.

Spicy! (To be said spysay)

Here's a random blog for you.

Saturday we took a trip to World Spice in Seattle. What an amazing spice store. They have almost any kind of spice or tea you could think of. We spent a pretty penny there picking out spices and mixes. The cupboard smells heavenly of the Vietnamese cinnamon (cassia) that we bought. I could just stand in front of the cupboard all day long, taking long, luxurious inhales. It's like crack, seriously.

We bought a jerk spice rub (not this isn't dirty, Tony), that had all the promise in the world, smelled like good ol' traditional jerk seasoning. We tried it out on Monday night. Marinaded the chicken in the rub and some rum (that was one of their suggestions). It had all the heat of jerk, but none of the flavor. Sigh. I suppose I'll have to make a special trip to Jamaica just to get some good ol' traditional jerk chicken. It was like the seasoning was all habanero and nothing else. This was a spicy chicken, no wonder my tummy still burned the next morning!

If anyone out there has a good jerk recipe, please pass it on. I'd love to try it!

And the Nagging never stoppes

Okay, okay.

I know I'm lame at blogging. I'm a mental blogger and by the time I get to the actually writing of the blogs, it all comes out horribly, so I delete them. That is why I am the queen of paper writing procrastination. Anything I write ahead of time is complete dookie.

So I've be tagged again. I suppose I'll play along. And as always, I have not blogging friends to tag. Sigh, I feel like a grade schooler again. No friends to play with.

Here we go.

Age at next birthday:

I'm starting to feel old.

Place I'd like to travel:

Too many to choose from
Vietnam, why? The photography.

Africa. This says it all.

Favorite Place:

Anywhere Disney.

Favorite object:

Super jumbo Bobo tea straws. They're just fun to use.

Favorite food:

Mmmm, stuffing.

Favorite color:

I can't choose just one, so we'll go with the standby blue. It's always a good color.

Nickname:

One that I've never really liked, but it's stuck. Considering my mother calls me this.

Birthplace:

What a beautiful city!

I hate playing Tag.

Thanks Not the Queen. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate playing tag? That's a bonus fact you probably didn't know!

Here are the rules. (1) Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. (2) People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (3) At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (4) Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I’m afraid of being a hypochondriac. That’s right I’m afraid of becoming my grandmother who is a full blown hypochondriac. I don’t want to visit the doctor at least once a week every week for the rest of my natural life when there’s NOTHING wrong with me.

2. I’m superstitious. I find that if I really want something, go somewhere, or want to do something so bad, I can’t talk or think about it at all or it won’t happen or come true. Case in point, I talked and shared to everyone that Corey and I were going to go to club 33 in Disneyland this January. We lucked out and got on the list, but wait, it’s closed for renovation the whole time we’ll be there. Remind me to keep my mouth shut.

3. I have the worst Karma/Luck. I’ve never won anything of importance and I’m stuck in the worst rut again in my life. Karma’s a bitch. I can’t figure out where I did my Karma wrong either.

4. I love to plan. I love to plan anything; chances of me following any of my plans or completing them are pretty slim. I like the challenge of getting everything to fit in where it can go. I start planning what I’m doing for a trip months before it’s even booked. (sorry to you all who are going on the World trip next December, I’m going to start getting neurotic, I feel it coming on already)

5. I’m true to my Aries sign. I like things my way and I don’t like doing what other people say (unless it’s in a suggestive tone, then I’m completely okay with it). I’m stubborn, but I can be yielding when need be. I can see both sides of the story. No I don’t have to have the last word, but by gosh, I have THE hardest time with authority. I feel so darned defiant to it in any way. Hence the fact I’ll never join the armed forces.

6. I hate assumptive tones. HATE THEM! Nothing sets me off other than someone assuming that I am at fault before even asking. I hate when being blamed for things others do and the assuming air that of course no one else could be to blame. Grrr, just thinking about it makes me all hot and bothered, and not in the good way.

7. I love carbs. I actually prefer them to anything else. I could eat an entire meal of just carbs. Yum.

8. I’m lactose intolerant, among other things. Dairy gives me lower tummy digestion problems. Nuff said.

I am tagging, um, no one I guess. I have no blog friends and it's no fun to tag your sister back when she's the one who tagged you in the first place. This is probably why we never played tag as kids, there were only ever 2 of us.

Shake Rattle and Roll

Okay,

So I'm weird. I know it. I even freely admit it. But I also have some weird genes in the family as well. So this morning, Corey's Stepsister gave birth to her first child. Needless to say Corey and I have been up and down since around 8:00pm last night waiting on news of the little one's arrival. Her arrival came at around 5:30 this morning, so we were off to the hospital for a little visit at about 6:30 this morning. With that said, I'm a little tired at work today, not big deal, it happens every now and then. So I decide, against better judgement, to have a cup of coffee. Well the coffee we have at work here is super octane stuff. We're talking about caffeeeeeeein city here (at least for me). Like drinking an entire Monster's drink of caffeine in one tiny 8oz cup. No big deal you think? I've been shaking like a leaf since 8:30 this morning. My hands are shaking so badly that it's hard to type. Yes, I can be taught, and no I don't always heed my own advice!

Thank you mom, for those funky caffeine genes. They are very entertaining for my co-workers.

I take it back

Okay, I take it back. Never will I say nothing happens interesting or not. I take it back! Now can I get back to a normal life where things are normal and not completely screwed up? Maybe I should say I won the lotto. Maybe then it'll come true. Keeping my fingers crossed, I'm hopping lady luck decides to grace me with her presence. We sure could use some good luck and good Karma right about now.

Walk down memory lane

With Grandpa's memorial coming up, it's brought up a lot of memories that I had forgotten about until now. We're not talking about bad memories, but the ones you will forever remember from when you were a kid. The summers my sister and I spent wandering around Washington's state parks with our home made walking sticks with Grandma and Grandpa, taking trips to Soap Lake to visit family, and tasting how disgusting the water is in Soap Lake (not something I recommend). Things that made our childhood summers so fun. I remember spending the mornings and afternoons and Grandma and Grandpa's after school playing games. Endless games, board games, card games, you name it. I still remember the day Grandpa taught us how to play cribbage. We'd show our hands to each other, using other family members to help pick out our crib. I think grandpa spent a lot of time letting us win. I remember going into the garden and eating chives picked from the garden, raiding the peas on the vine and not leaving many for anyone else. I remember the unconditional love we all shared.

I'm saddened to know as life got busier and we grew up, we didn't take the time to show that unconditional love that was always there. I feel regret that I didn't take the time. I'm hoping that now I'll be able to give back a little of that time. I decided, before I was asked, to take up the task of putting together Grandpa's memorial. Dad was going to put the task in my hands, but together we have all helped. I can not and will not take credit for the things I have not done. I have, however decided that with the help of mom, dad, Hill, Chris, Corey and Grandma, that I am going to do the best I can to help celebrate Grandpa's life. As I feel that I haven't always been around to show my love, this is the best way I can express the unconditional love I have for him my family.

I got stoned...

Okay, maybe not the most tactile title, but hey, really, I did get stoned. Kidney stoned that is.


I should really never start things off with nothing exciting happens in my life. Because once I say something like that, a little spice is thrown into the mix. Bother. I shouldn't open my big mouth.


So last Thursday night was an adventure. Corey and I were out to dinner and going to Costco afterwards to pick up a few things. We get to Costco, and something isn't right. I feel funny and it feels like someone is using my back as a punching bag, but only on the left side. Weird huh? So i elected to go home and not shop. I was a little too much in pain to wander around and have to deal with the crowd. So I call Corey's mom, thinking she'll know what to do, she works in the medical field. The brilliant idea of go to the emergency room was automatically no way. I wasn't hurting that bad (I think I'd have to be spurting blood before I step foot in an emergency room,. No thanks). Turns out, it was a kidney stone, either that or a petrified piece of dookie in the bottom of the toilet bowl. No, it wasn't the most painful thing in the world (knock on wood), but it sure wasn't pleasant. I'm hoping this is the first and last time I'll ever have to go through it. Apparently it was a pretty good sized stone. You could see the different lobes of it's development. Stay tuned and hopefully I'll find out what type it is!

**Update. So the nurse calls me on Friday the 6th from the Dr.'s office to confirm my stone. It's a very common calcium stone. Not so bad I don't need any other testing. Yippie! I'm relay getting tired of having to pay for labs. I know $6 here, and $10 there for things, but it adds up. So with this diagnosis means, I need to eat certain foods in moderation or not at all. Okay, I think to myself, this should be so bad. Little did I know, beets, chocolate, coffee, cola, nuts, rhubarb, spinach, strawberries, tea, wheat bran, dairy and soy are on this list. A) I'm lactose intolerant, so B)what am I supposed to put on my cereal, rice milk? Hell no. Blech. And who's the jerk who decided that chocolate and strawberries should be eating in moderation?!? Grrr. Shhhh, we just wont tell the doctor that I'm eating my share of chocolate and strawberries this summer!

Survey Says...

Well, I never thought I'd do it. Start a blog. Hmm, why did I do this again? I don't know in attempts to maybe, just maybe find an outlet for thoughts or news, or really just to goof around with. It just seemed like something to do, for the time that is.

I have nothing news worthy, but hey, that could change in a matter of minutes. I may be abducted by aliens, or win the lotto, or fall down and scrape my elbow. Who knows. It may be entertaining it may not.

So stay tuned and be bored. Heck if I have to be bored, someone else out there should be as well!

Sydney